


Murder, Dating, and Other Bad Decisions

by DrawYourGunsR5



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Swearing, Trans Todd, assassin Todd AU, blackwing related trauma, minor in the fic but not minor in canon, references to the death of a couple minor character, this was supposed to be slow burn but that didn't happen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrawYourGunsR5/pseuds/DrawYourGunsR5
Summary: Todd has been an assassin for years. It was an easy job, especially when he had the universe whispering in his ear telling him which jobs to take and which to turn down. So when Mr. Priest offers him much more than his usual rate to kill a man named Dirk Gently, the universe is there telling Todd to accept the job. However, when Todd looks Dirk in the eyes, something seems off. He can’t pull the trigger.Priest then hires Todd to officially work for Blackwing, hoping that he can persuade him into seeing the dangers of leaving Project Icarus alive. But things backfire for Priest when Todd learns that Dirk is actually a very good person, and he might be falling in love with him.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: DGHDA Big Bang 2020





	1. I.

Dirk Gently. Dirk Gently. DIRK GENTLY.

 _Dirk. Gently._ **_Dirk Gently._ **

D

I

R

K

G

E

N

T

L

Y

He repeated the name in his head a million times. He liked knowing his victim’s names. He liked knowing that the monsters he was killing had a life, probably a family. He liked knowing that they chose to fuck it all up. He never killed just anyone. He always needed a reason. He killed rapists, nazis, child murderers, abusive parents and anyone else who he felt deserved it. When he was commissioned to take someone out, he needed to know who they were. He couldn’t kill anyone innocent. It just wasn’t possible.

Dirk Gently.

He was hired by someone named Oz Priest. He referred to Gently as “Icarus,” apparently that was his code name when they had him in their control. Priest said he was dangerous. He killed people for fun, he stole from innocent people, he ruined lives. He was a bad guy. He was evil.

Dirk. Gently.

Todd stood in the shadow in the alley and thought to himself what a cliche he felt like. An assassin, lurking in the shadows. But he had to do this right. And if the best place to hide and wait just happened to be shaded, he’ll gladly accept the cliche. He waited for Gently to leave the shop he was in. It was Todd’s sister’s bookstore. Priest told him he went there often. That might have been part of the reason he accepted the job. He didn’t want anyone that dangerous around his sister.

Gently left and Todd slipped in.

“Todd! What are you doing here?” Amanda slid out from behind the cashier's counter and hugged her brother.

Todd cleared his throat. “Oh, actually, I’m working.”

She straightened her posture in excitement. “Martin, I’m gonna head in the back for a minute. Can you hold down the fort?”

Martin was one of Amanda’s best friends and employees. He was over to Todd’s right, kneeling over a stack of fallen books. Another employee, Vogel, was sitting on a stool pouting next to Martin. Todd could only assume it was Vogel who made the mess.

Martin gave Amanda a thumbs up. “You’re the boss, boss,”

Amanda smiled and grabbed Todd’s hand, pulling him into her office in the back.

She sat on top of her cluttered desk. “Okay, tell me everything.”

Todd told her the little information he had. Gently is dangerous and she wasn’t safe around him.

Amanda looked shocked. “Wow, I never would have guessed. He comes in here sometimes to talk to the guys. I’ve never really talked to him but he seems so sweet.” She gasped. “Dude, what about the guys? They’ve always been super secretive and weird about their past. And whenever I ask them about Dirk they just shrug it off and say they don’t really know him. Do you think they’re involved?”

Todd shook his head. “I’m sure the Rowdies are fine. The guy that hired me mentioned Dirk meeting up with a few other guys once in a while, but didn’t say they were dangerous or anything. Plus, they’ve been working for you for six years, I’m sure if they were secretly vampires or something, you’d know by now.”

Amanda let out an awkward chuckle. “Huh. Yeah. Right. I _totally_ would.”

Todd furrowed his brows.

Amanda shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway. Dirk Gently? The British guy that brings us coffee sometimes? He’s an evil monster?”

Todd nodded. “According to Osmund Priest.”

Amanda thought for a second. “That name. Priest. It sounds familiar.”

Todd’s eyes narrowed. “Have you been going to church recently?”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “Have I spontaneously combusted recently?”

He chuckled. “I gotta go. I have a job to do. And so do you, I have a hunch those rowdies are getting a little… _rowdy_.”

She punched his shoulder. “I hate you. Now go, and please be safe. I love you.”

“I love you, too, sis.” He left the small used-book store and walked in the direction where Gently lived. His apartment wasn’t far from here.

In ten short minutes, Todd was standing in front of Gently’s door. He’d been here a lot. Not to _this_ apartment, but all of them looked the same. He had a pattern. Knock on the door, wait for a response, if no one answers, break in and wait, see target, aim, fire, leave. No time for begging or fighting. Get the job done and get your paycheck. That’s all he had to do. It wasn’t always easy, but when it got hard he remembered who he was doing it for.

Amanda.

She was sick with a rare disease called pararibulitis. Treatments were expensive. Sure, their parents were rich, but after Todd came out as trans and Amanda come out as gay, they cut them out and they’ve been on their own since Amanda was in high school. So when she got sick, he had to take care of her. And that meant doing _anything._ He’s been doing this for about seven years and he’s never gotten caught. Maybe it was luck. Sometimes he’d see his victims on the news. They couldn’t identify the killer, the cameras weren’t working, there were no fingerprints, no evidence left behind. So instead, they focused on all the terrible things that person was doing.

He only accepted a job if the person was truly evil. He considered it impossible to kill an innocent person. So there was never any reason to feel guilty. He made enough money to put himself and sister through college and pay for her treatments. And he was happy. He enjoyed his job.

He knocked on the door. Gently opened it with a smile. Todd pointed the gun to his forehead. And for the first time ever- he couldn’t pull the trigger.


	2. II.

Todd lowered his arm and stared at Gently in confusion.

“Well that’s an awfully rude way to greet someone,” Gently pouted. “Is this how all Americans are?”

His voice sounded fake, but that wasn’t even the strangest thing about him. Todd got a good look at the clothes he had on. Gently wore red jeans, a white button up, with a navy blue tie that had ice cream cones scattered on it, and a bright ass yellow jacket. He  _ looked  _ British.

Todd squinted. “You’re Dirk Gently?”

Gently took a small step backward. “Well, that depends. What are you doing with that gun?”

Todd glanced down at the gun in his hand. “Uh-“ he placed it back in its holster. “Nothing. That was just- I have to go.” He turned around and began walking off.

“Wait!” Gently called back to him. “You can’t leave me like this!”

Todd slowed to a halt.

“Why don’t you come in? I’ve just made some tea.”

Todd had no idea why he turned back around. “I just held a gun to your head and you’re inviting me in for tea?”

“Well, you put the gun  _ down,  _ didn’t you?”

“You realize how insane that is, right?”

Gently held his arm out, gesturing for Todd to come through his door. His smile was ridiculously welcoming.

Todd entered the apartment. The living room was nearly empty, with only the couch, coffee table, and tv that came with the apartment. Todd looked over at the kitchen, which was equally empty.

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll fix the tea.”

Todd sat on the couch. “I don’t drink tea.”

Gently brought Todd a cup anyway and he drank it because after holding a gun to Gently’s head, he felt it was the least he could do.

“So are you going to explain the whole… gun pointing at my head thing?”

Todd sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Do you point a gun at everyone you meet? Seems like a weird thing to do, but live and let live.”

Todd set his empty tea cup on the coffee table beside him. “Do you know a guy named Osmund?”

“Osmund?”

“Priest. Osmund Priest. He called himself Mr. Priest. Creepy guy, kind of hot? Who is he?”

The other man froze. Todd watched as the blood ran from Gently’s face, and his eyes grew cold. “I think it’s time for you to leave.” He stood from his couch and grabbed Todd’s cup before hurrying off to the kitchen.

“What?” Todd stood up and followed Gently to the kitchen. “What do you mean? You invited me in.”

Gently aggressively set the dirty dishes in the sink and spun to face Todd. “And now I’m inviting you out. Or rather, kicking you out. I’m not inviting you or Mr. Priest anywhere. Please, just go.”

Something twisted in Todd’s stomach. “Okay. Sorry to have bothered you.” He turned around and walked out the door, feeling much different than he had at the beginning of the day.

He still got paid. He met up with Priest days later and told him that he couldn’t finish the job. But Priest just laughed, wrote him a check, and said “You will.”

Todd thought that was the end of it. Priest had walked away, Dirk was living his life as alive as he could be, and Todd tried to not dwell on the words Priest had said to him. Except, Todd was a dweller. He always had been, no matter what he tried to tell anyone. Dirk popped into his mind often and every time he did, Todd felt nauseous. He couldn’t figure out what Priest meant. He knew he couldn’t kill Dirk. There was just something about him. Everyone else he’s killed, he could tell how evil they were. He could feel it. It was almost like the universe was telling him “yes, you have to do this.” But with Dirk, it felt like the universe was saying something different - he just couldn’t interpret what it was.

“I see you didn’t hurt the cute Brit,” Amanda called out as Todd entered the book shop. 

“Most sisters say hello when their brother walks into their store.”

“Most brothers aren’t assassins.”

“You really shouldn’t say that out loud, sis.”

Amanda hopped up to sit on the checkout counter. “No one’s here!” She leaned back and laid down. Her hands came up to her mouth as if acting like a megaphone. “My brother kills people for a living!” She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow. “Honestly, Todd, how you put up with me all the time is astounding.”

“Are you high right now?”

She poked his chest. “Very. Tina was here.”

Todd chuckled. “Isn’t she trying to stay sober?”

“That’s why I smoked enough for the both of us,” she answered as if it were obvious. “I’m a good girlfriend, Toddo.”

“Right. Well, I’m running to the store, I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me, but I think it’s best if you stay here. Where are the rowdies?”

She rolled over onto her back again. “They were hungry. Went out to find someone for lunch.”

“You mean something?”

“Hm. Sure. So, what happened with Dirk?”

Todd shrugged. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t do it this time.”

“Growing a conscience?”

Todd walked toward the door. “God, I hope not. I’d be out of a job.” He left the bookshop and jogged across the street to the grocery store. He got a text from Amanda.

_ Can you pick up my meds for me? _ [seven praying hands emojis]

He responded to her with a thumbs up and headed to the pharmacy section of the store. It wasn’t until after he had gotten Amanda’s meds that he heard a strangely familiar voice. He rounded the corner to see if it actually was him, and sure enough, Gently was squatting down in the isle, searching for something on the bottom shelf.

“Gently?” Todd called out. He didn’t really have to ask, the other man was wearing a blue jacket that was equally absurd as the yellow. He stood out. Todd knew it was him.

Gently stood up too fast. He hit his head on the little display sticking out of the shelf.

“Oh! Ow!” He rubbed his head. “You did that on purpose!”

Todd suppressed his laughter. “I didn’t even touch you.”

Gently pouted, “What are you doing here? Are you stalking me?”

Todd lifted up Amanda’s medication for a moment. “Picking up my sister’s meds, she works right across the street.”

“Amanda’s your sister?”

Todd nodded. “So, what brings you here?”

“I’ve got a terrible headache. I ran into a few friends- well, not friends. A few  _ people  _ from my past. They’re quite… loud. Actually, you probably know them as well. They’re Amanda’s friends, the Rowdy 3.”

“I’ve always wondered why they called themselves that. There’s four of them.”

Gently gave him a look that so obviously meant,  _ How the hell should I know? It’s not like I grew up right next door to them. _

Todd wondered how he understood what the look in the other man’s eyes meant. “Well, you’re not going to find aspirin in the cough drops section. Come here.” He led him around the corner to where the pain relief medication is.

“Right, that does seem to make more sense now that I think about it.”

Todd grabbed a box and handed it to him. “Here, this should help.”

Gently hesitantly grabbed the box out of Todd’s hand. “This isn’t going to… kill me, is it?”

“Just follow the instructions on the side and you’ll be fine. I put the gun down, remember?”

Gently sighed. “Thanks.”

“Hey, can we like, talk? Or something?” Todd proposed.

Gently’s eyes flickered around him. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea. I should be leaving. I have uh… I should go water my dog. Yes. I have a dog. A very real dog that needs water desperately. Goodbye.” He turned on his heel and hurried out of the store.

“He didn’t pay for his aspirin.” Todd whispered to himself. “And he definitely doesn't have a dog.” He sighed. “How do I know that? Why am I talking to myself?”


	3. III.

He saw Priest again a few days after running into Gently at the store. It was late, he was walking home from Amanda’s shop when he saw him.

“Brotzman! Fancy seeing you around here,” Priest greeted as he walked across the street to Todd.

Todd pointed at the building they were standing in front of. “I live here. But you knew that.”

Priest chuckled and ran his hand through his short yellow hair. His uneven smile cracked across his face like broken glass. It was sharp and deadly. “Okay. You got me. I was hoping to run into you.”

Todd felt something twist in his stomach. “Why?”

“Well, I paid you to do a job. I just wanted to check in, see how it’s going.”

Todd shook his head. “Look, you can have your money back if you want. I already told you I couldn’t-”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“A- what?”

“There’s a nice bar about a block away. I think you an’ I got some talkin’ to do. And you look cold, we should get you inside.”

Todd shivered. He didn’t feel cold until Priest said that. It probably was a bad idea, but so were all of his life decisions. He said yes.

They sat at the bar together. Priest ordered him a drink.

“You’re not having anything?” Todd asked.

“I don’t drink.”

“Then why did you bring me to a bar?”

Priest shrugged. “You’re more likely to say yes to my offer after I’ve bought you something you want.”

Todd took a sip of his drink. “Look, if you’re just here to get laid we can just skip to the end of it. No need for the fake fancy story and buying drinks to impress me.”

Priest shook his head. “No, I’m not here for that. I’ve got something serious I’ve been wantin’ to discuss with ya.”

“Okay.”

"How would you like to triple your salary?"

Todd looked at him quizzically. "Go on."

Priest chuckled. "You come work with me, and I'll make sure you never worry about if you'll be able to afford paying your bills again. How's that sound?"

A slight chill ran down Todd's back. Something felt off here. "What do you mean  _ again _ ?"

"I know how hard life has been for you. You grew up rich, parents kicked you out when you were 18, for 12 years you lived paycheck-to-paycheck. Sometimes you never knew where your next meal was coming from. It was just a few years ago when you started this new," he chuckled again, "uh,  _ hobby,  _ of yours."

His smile burned through Todd. It was only then when Todd noticed the scar going down the center of his face.  _ Who was this guy? _

"How- how do you know all that?"

Priest leaned in, carefully reaching out and putting his hand on Todd's arm. "I'm good at my job, been keepin' an eye on you and your sister for a while. Let's just say, she's got some friends that still need baby sittin'."

Todd pulled his arm away. "What the hell kind of job is that? You've been stalking me my whole life?"

"Not your whole life, no. We just have our ways of gettin’ information. And I have some that I think you might want to know."

Todd stood up. "No, this is getting weird. I don't think I can do this. Thanks for the drink, now leave me alone." Todd turned around and headed for the door.

"It's about Amanda."

Todd stopped. He didn't turn around. He should leave, this guy was bad news. Something about this wasn't safe. The door was so close, but he seemed frozen in that spot. Why couldn't he leave?

Priest slowly walked over to Todd. "She's not safe with them."

Todd's chest hurt. His mind was spinning. He could hardly breathe. It felt like someone's hands were around his neck. He had to get out of there.

Priest wrapped an arm around Todd's waist and pulled him in close. Todd was so small in comparison. Priest towered over him. "You give me a call when you decide what's more important." He put a finger under Todd's chin and pulled his head up. "Her life, or yours." He slid something into Todd's pocket and disappeared.

The second he was gone Todd could breathe again. He looked at the paper Priest had left in his pocket. It was a phone number. He knew he shouldn't trust that guy, but what was he to do? If it was between him and Amanda, he'd choose her over himself any day. He had to talk to her, to warn her. She deserved to know she wasn't safe.


	4. IV.

Todd wanted to talk to Amanda, but he struggled to find the right words. How do you tell your sister that her best friends might be killing her but you don’t really have any proof and you’re just taking the word of some random guy who hired you to kill someone else? There’s not exactly an easy way to break that news. 

So he worried. For a few days it was all he could think about. Eventually, he had to call Mr. Priest to ask about the job. All he had to do was keep an eye on Dirk and Amanda’s friends, report back to Priest about any “strange mishappenings” going on around them. It seemed innocent enough. He accepted.

And something still seemed off.

Todd sat at the bar, filled with nerves and some type of fear he couldn't put his finger on. It wasn't the same bar he went to with Priest the other night. He didn't want to go back there. That place didn't seem real after he had left. This bar was definitely real. The old brown tables wobbled on uneven legs when the waiters set down food for the patrons. The bar stool he sat on swiveled, but not all the way around. He looked at his reflection in the side of the empty glass sitting on the bar in front of him. This was real.

Todd grabbed the glass and slid it toward the bartender, who promptly filled it up with "the closest thing you can pour in there," Todd asked.

"Make that two, please!" An oddly cheery voice piped out.

Todd turned and saw Dirk sitting on the stool beside him. "What are you doing here?"

Dirk smiled at Todd. He was wearing a different jacket than the yellow or blue ones he recognized. This one was green, newer. "Thought I'd pop in for a drink."

The bartender passed the men their drinks and disappeared.

"I don't mean  _ here.  _ I mean, why do you keep showing up. Are you following me around or something?"

Dirk frowned. "What's gotten you in such a rotten mood?"

Todd didn't know how to answer that question. That he was being paid to become Dirk's friend but also being paid to kill him, by the same person? That he just found out that his sister's best friends might be killing her? That his life was being threatened by some weird guy with an accent yet he didn't know which weird guy with an accent it was? That there was something eating away at him, a guilt he could never admit to?

So instead he just shrugged.

Dirk took a drink of his beer and cringed. "This is  _ awful _ ! How do you put up with this?"

"I'm not here for the flavor, Gently."

"Why do you call me that?"

"That's your name, isn't it?"

Dirk sighed. "Well, it's my last name. My friends usually call me Dirk, seeing as that's my first name. My real name."

"Are we friends?"

Dirk shrugged. "Why not?"

"Are you forgetting every encounter we've had before this one? Do I have to remind you that I almost killed you less than two weeks ago?"

"No, you'd better not remind me." Dirk pouted. He ordered a new drink, something that sounded sweet and colorful, like him. He plastered a smile back on his face. "Anyhow, I've been thinking. There must have been a  _ reason  _ for you to not do what you almost did. And whatever that reason may be, I've decided to forgive you."

Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't prepared to deal with any of his feelings. He just wanted to drink. “And what about Mr. Priest?”

A strange expression crossed Dirk’s face. One Todd couldn’t identify. “Are you still in contact with him?”

Of course he was, but Dirk couldn’t know that. Todd has a job to do. And he had to do it right. “No.”

When Dirk got his new drink he held up the glass toward Todd. “Well then, a toast. To friendship."

Reluctantly, Todd clicked his glass against Dirk's. "To some weird thing resembling a friendship,  _ Dirk _ ."

"I'll take what I can get."

Dirk finished his fruity drink in the time Todd drank three more glasses of his dark bitter beer. Dirk might have had a tiny buzz, but Todd was much further gone than he was.

Todd was giggling at something he couldn't even say out loud. But apparently it was hilarious, and Dirk laughed too. They had been laughing for nearly an hour and a half. As Todd got drunker, his stories got wilder. At some point Dirk was convinced they were no longer true and this was all Todd's imagination, but there was a part of him that wanted to believe every word. There was something beautiful in the way Todd spoke. Dirk could listen to him forever.

Dirk probably noticed Todd slurring his words long after he started, but when it became obvious Dirk suggested they go home.

Todd stopped laughing. An attempt at a flirty smile broke out on Todd's lips. "Oh? You want to take me home?"

"Not like  _ that, _ but you are going to need some supervision."

"Fine," Todd pouted. He hopped off the stool, immediately losing his balance and nearly falling over.

Dirk caught him before he fell, and suddenly the two of them were laughing again.

The radio switched to a different song, one that neither of them recognized. Todd grabbed Dirk by his hands. "Let's dance before we leave! I love this song.”

"There's no dance floor."

Todd scoffed. "Well there's a floor. And we are going to dance on it. I think that makes it a dance floor."

Dirk caved. "One song, and then we go home."

Todd cheered and wrapped his arms around Dirk and rested his head on his shoulder. They swayed back and forth, completely abandoning the rhythm of the song.

"Todd, this is a fast song. Why are we slow dancing?" Dirk wondered.

Todd lifted his head and locked eyes with Dirk. "I don't care about the song. I just wanted an excuse to hold you."

Dirk's eyes widened for a split second before growing soft. Todd wasn't sure if it was his beer goggles or not, but Dirk's smile seemed genuine.

He wasn't thinking, and that  _ was  _ at the fault of the alcohol, but something about Dirk's smile was just so enchanting. Todd felt a little tug in his chest and that was the only thing driving him. He reached one hand up and cupped Dirk's cheek, pulling him in slowly.

It seemed to catch Dirk off guard. Once their lips touched, he froze for a moment. Todd wondered how that could have shocked him, but realized he maybe didn't pull Dirk in as slow as he had thought. But Dirk relaxed and smiled into the kiss. He tilted his head, allowing Todd in.

Dirk tasted like strawberries, Todd noticed. That must have been that sweet and colorful drink he had. He wondered what Dirk would taste like sober.

Dirk pulled away first, much to Todd's disappointment. "The song is over. It's time to get you home."

When Dirk asked for his address, all Todd could do was laugh like a teenager and give Dirk some obviously fake answers - such as 420 Gay Street. At the possibility of being taken to Amanda's apartment Todd protested, saying that she hated him and he couldn't let her see him like this. Dirk sighed, and came to the conclusion that Todd would be sleeping in his apartment. Dirk gave his own address to the Lyft driver. They left the bar that wouldn't feel real in the morning behind them.

After stumbling up the stairs, Dirk finally got Todd into his apartment.

Todd collapsed into a chair at the kitchen table. "You  _ live here?" _

“Todd, you’ve been here before." Dirk went over to his pantry and pulled some stuff out. Todd didn't notice what. He had folded his arms on the table and rested his head on his arms.

"I don’t remember. You must be rich."

The apartment was still small and empty. The lights were off, but street lights shined through the windows. Todd could see the silhouette of everything. He could tell it was empty, but he hardly noticed. To him, it all seemed like Disney World.

Todd heard Dirk put something in the toaster. It made him think about how much he wanted pop tarts. Dirk did not bring Todd pop tarts. Instead he set down a plate with two slices of peanut butter toast and a glass of milk in front of him.

Todd picked up his head and felt tears well up in his eyes. "You made me dinner."

"I made you a snack. I'm not much of a cook, but you need to eat something so you don't feel awful in the morning." Dirk sat down next to Todd.

Todd leaned over and rested his head on Dirk's shoulder. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you deserve it."

"No I don't. I tried to kill you, remember? What's stopping me from pulling out my gun right now and killing you for real?"

"Well, I'd say the fact that you don't have your gun is pretty damning. You can't shoot someone without it."

"I don't have my gun?" Todd laughed. "Don't tell my boss."

"I promise. Eat your food."

Todd ate his toast and drank his milk and it was the greatest meal he'd ever had the pleasure of eating. And he told Dirk that. Multiple times.

Dirk washed Todd's dishes while Todd told a story about a time when he got drunk and tried to climb a tree and how nobody baked him bread that night.

"I didn't bake you bread, Todd. I made toast."

Todd poked the air. "The best toast I've ever had!"

Dirk chuckled. "So you've said. Come on, let's get you into bed." Dirk grabbed Todd's hands and helped him stand up without falling over.

"Wait. Before we go I have to tell you something." Todd leaned on Dirk as they walked toward the bedroom.

"What's that?"

"You're the nicest person I've ever met."

They reached Dirk's bedroom. Dirk turned on the lamp next to his bed, where Todd laid down as if it were his own.

"I'm just doing what any decent person would do." Dirk lifted the blankets and covered Todd up to his shoulders.

"But you're doing it so nicely!"

Dirk smiled. "Goodnight, Todd." He reached to turn the lamp off but Todd poked his arm out of the covers, grabbing Dirk's hand.

"Wait! I'm not finished. Come here," Todd begged.

Dirk sat down on the edge of the bed. "Go ahead."

"It's just that, I've never met someone so nice before."

Dirk nodded. "You've mentioned that."

Todd was still holding Dirk's hand. He pulled it up to his face and kissed Dirk's knuckles. "I don't deserve someone as nice as you to take care of me. I'm not good enough for you." He let go of Dirk's hand.

Dirk played with Todd's hair. "You're much better than you give yourself credit, Todd. You deserve someone who will treat you well."

Those tears started to build up in Todd's eyes again. "You're the only person who thinks that."

"Maybe you just need to show more people."

"But you're the best,  _ that's  _ what matters. I want to marry you, Dirk."

Dirk chuckled. "You've known me less than two weeks."

"But you've been the best part of those weeks!" Todd sniffled, trying and failing to let his emotions get the best of him. "So, will you? Will you marry me?"

Dirk sighed. "How about this? If you still want to marry me in the morning, we'll get married."

Todd laughed. “I’ll take what I can get!”

"Good. Now, go to sleep." Dirk stood up and turned off the lamp. He was halfway to the door when Todd started talking again.

"Where are you going?"

"To sleep on the couch."

"No! Stay?" Todd pouted.

Dirk could see his puppy-dog eyes in the moonlight shining through the window. He caved. He crawled into his bed with Todd.

Todd rolled over, wrapping an arm around Dirk's torso and resting his head on Dirk's chest. He listened to Dirk's heart beat for what felt like hours - it was probably five minutes - before he let himself fall into sleep. He knew there was something else he needed to tell Dirk before he drifted off too far.

"You're the best goddamn pillow I've ever had. I'm keeping you forever."


	5. V.

Todd woke in the morning feeling lucky to have only had a slight headache. Dirk wasn’t in bed, which made Todd feel even luckier. He hoped Dirk had left or was in the shower, doing something so Todd could easily leave without running into him. Does it count as a walk of shame if there was no sex involved?

Maybe.

Todd felt horribly embarrassed by the way he had acted the night before. He couldn't believe that he had actually _proposed_ to Dirk. A small part of him was worried they might actually be engaged. That would be a whole other type of awkward.

There was a glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed. It had a note which said _"They always seem to leave water for a hungover person in the movies, I thought you might need some."_ Todd felt himself involuntarily chuckle. He drank some of the water and left Dirk's bedroom.

Upon opening the bedroom door the smell of cinnamon and blueberries washed over him. Todd found Dirk in the kitchen making breakfast.

Dirk smiled brightly when he saw Todd. "Good morning! How are you feeling?"

"Fine." He looked over Dirk's shoulder and saw that he was frying a slice of bread. "French toast?"

"Friganele. It's basically Romanian French toast." Dirk flipped the toast over. "I'm not a great cook, but my mom always made this for me when I was a child. So I learned how to make it like she did."

Todd sat down at the small table. "Romania?"

"Born and raised. Well, not really _raised_. I came here to the US when I was small. I think I was 7 years old when I left."

"So if you grew up here, why are you like, British?"

Dirk flipped the toast out of the pan and onto a plate. He decorated it with toppings and passed it over to Todd. "I moved to England when I was 17. Lived there for quite a while. I only just moved back here last year."

"Why?"

Dirk tensed. He hated that question. "Eat your breakfast."

Todd dug into the friganele. He was shocked at how delicious it was. It was better than any french toast he'd ever had. He ate while Dirk cleaned his stuff from making breakfast. They talked lightly about Dirk's traveling, but Dirk never gave too many details. He was a mystery to Todd.

When Todd was finished eating and the kitchen looked brand new again, Dirk came and sat next to Todd at the table.

"Thanks for breakfast. And for taking care of me last night. Sorry I got so... emotional."

Dirk shrugged. "It's quite alright, Todd. We've all been there. Although, if you really want to get married I do think I'd prefer a real proposal."

Todd hid his face in his hands and groaned. "God, I'm so sorry about that. I didn't mean-"

"It's okay, I get it. Alcohol makes people say things you wouldn't necessarily say when sober."

Todd lifted his head. "Just to be clear, I do not want to marry you. I just get flirty after a couple drinks."

Dirk sat up a little straighter. "Oh really? I couldn’t tell. That kiss seemed completely platonic."

Heat rushed to Todd's cheeks. He'd almost forgotten about the kiss. "Yeah, side effect of the four beers I had."

"So that didn't mean anything?"

Todd locked eyes with Dirk. For a split second he imagined himself saying yes, it did mean something but he didn't know what. He was completely fascinated by Dirk. He was interesting and fun and weird and apparently Romanian. Todd wouldn't mind getting to know more about him. But no, not in a _kissing_ kind of way.

"No, it didn't mean anything."

Dirk nodded. “Right. Good. Because I think we're off to a solid friendship. I would hate for it to be ruined by feelings getting in the way of things. Don't you think?"

Todd pretended to look relaxed, but something felt off. There were words unspoken here. "Friendship. Yeah, that sounds nice."

Well, it sounded nice before Todd remembered he was literally being paid to be Dirk's friend. A fact that he was reminded of when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He took it out to see the PayPal notification that none other than Osmund Priest had deposited a large handful of cash to his account. Todd quickly swiped the notification away before Dirk caught a glimpse of it. He panicked, wondering how Priest's timing could have been so on the nose. The window blinds were closed. They weren't last night. Was Priest watching them?

"Is everything okay?"

Todd jumped out of his seat. "Yes! No. I mean, everything is fine. Great. I have to leave."

"Oh, alright."

"It's just that, um, that was my, uh, sister. She- she needs me. I gotta go."

Dirk stood to follow Todd to the door. "Is she alright? Do you want me to come with you?"

"No! No, she's fine. She just needs to talk about uh, some shit about our uh, parents." He struggled to get his shoes on. Why were his hands shaking so bad? "And she needs a ride, to the um, dentist. So." He got his shoes on. "Goodbye." He sped out the door and down the stairs.

Todd was on edge the entire walk to Amanda's shop. He felt himself constantly looking over his shoulder, as if Priest was going to be right there. In the back of his head he knew that Priest was watching him, but the logical part of his mind told him that was crazy. He tried to shake the eerie feeling away but it wasn't going anywhere.

"Hey loser, we're closed," Amanda greeted as Todd entered the bookshop.

"Maybe you shouldn't unlock the door so early if you don't want people coming in."

Amanda shrugged and tossed a stack of papers into the trash can beside the checkout counter. "So what are you doing here so early, brother? Wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday, is this a walk of shame situation?"

"Not quite, I spent the night at Dirk's."

"Wow, sleeping with the guy you were hired to kill. Power move, bro."

"Oh no, we did _not_ sleep together. We were just hanging out and I ended up falling asleep at his place."

Todd followed Amanda as she pushed a cart full of books down an aisle and helped her replace them on their shelves.

"Aw, how romantic! Did he bring you breakfast in bed?" She teased.

"Not in bed, no. But he did make breakfast. Some Romanian thing, it was pretty good."

"No come back for the romantic thing?"

Todd responded with only a slight smirk. He continued stocking the shelves, pretending to ignore his sister.

She paused, dropping a book back into the cart. "Todd. Is there something going on between you and Dirk that I need to know about?"

Todd grabbed the book that she dropped. " _The Great Gatsby?_ That's a good one. Haven't read it in a while."

Amanda snatched the book and tossed it onto a shelf. "Do not avoid this question Theodore."

"That's not where that book goes. The F section is in the other aisle."

"Do you really think I care where the books go? Come on, I need the gossip," she begged.

Todd caved. "Fine. I kissed him last night but that's it. There's nothing going on between us."

She slapped his shoulder. "Theodore Moon-Moon Brotzman you do not kiss a man less than two weeks after you were hired to _kill him!_ Are you crazy?"

"Oh come on, do you really have to pull out the middle name?"

"Hey, you told me I could pick your middle name when you came out. And I chose Moon-Moon. And you chose to change it to that legally and I'm not going to let you live that down."

Todd shrugged. "It's a conversation starter."

"Seriously dude, what are you doing to this guy?"

“Nothing! I swear. We talked about it. We’re just friends.”

“I don’t think I believe you.”

Todd rolled his eyes.

“No seriously. You’ve been talking about him a lot every time you’ve come to hang out here. In fact, you’ve been here more in the last week to talk about him than you have in the six years we’ve been open. So be real, do you like him?”

"He's my friend." Todd reinforced. "Besides, even if I did like him, he doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would be into dating a literal assassin."

Amanda pouted. "You say that about everyone, but I'm sure there's at least one person out there who would be into it."

"Okay, I get it. You want me to settle down and get married and give you billions of nieces and nephews to throw cash at. But I'm just not there yet."

Amanda shrugged. "I never said billions. Maybe just like, seven or eight."

Todd rolled his eyes. He knew that as an assassin he wasn't likely to find the love of his life. He didn't really mind, it's not like he was looking. Even if he was, he wasn't about to screw up this new job by _falling_ for the guy he was hired to kill. Priest wasn't very specific, but Todd had a good feeling something would happen to Amanda if he messed this up. It definitely wasn't worth the risk.

Which reminded him.

"Actually, Amanda, there's something we need to talk about."

She had finished restocking the shelves and was now turning the _closed_ sign over to _open._ "What's up?"

Todd glanced around the bookshop, noticing how quiet it's been since he arrived. "Where are the Rowdies?"

"They're out getting breakfast. Should be back soon. Why?"

"I'll try to make it quick then." He cleared his throat. "I can't really tell you how I know this, but the Rowdies are dangerous. You're not safe with them."

"Oh no. How terrible. I'll kick them out at once," She responded in a monotone voice.

"I'm not joking, Amanda. This is serious."

"No, I know you're not joking. That's why I didn't laugh. Although, I did think it was hilarious." Amanda walked back to her desk and sat down. "Are you done?"

"No. Look, they're not good people. Think about it, how much of their past do you actually know about?"

"How much do you know, Todd? And how? Where are you getting your information? If I'm going to believe you, I need sources."

"From someone who grew up with them. I don't know all of the details, he just told me to get you away from them."

Amanda shook her head and chuckled. "You must think I'm 9 years old. You know, I learned how to take care of myself from a young age, no thanks to you. So whatever Mr. Priest has to say about my friends, he can stick it up his ass."

"How did you know about Priest?"

"Wow! Are you fucking serious?" She laughed in disbelief. "You're actually working with Blackwing?"

"How do you know about Blackwing?"

She stood up, furious. "How do _you_?!"

Todd stared at her, eyes wide and mouth open, unable to give her the answer she was looking for.

She scoffed. "Get the fuck out."

"What? No. Listen to me, it's not safe. I'm just trying to help you."

"Not safe? Are you, a _literal assassin,_ going to lecture me on being safe?" She came out from behind the desk, walking closer to Todd. He was almost worried she was going to hit him. "Every day that I let you walk into this bookshop I am putting myself in danger to all of the shitty people you've worked for. But not Blackwing. I'm not going to let you or your new sugar daddy try to take away my family. You need to leave."

"I am your family," he muttered weakly.

"No you're not!” She laughed. “You're just some guy that's been trying to make up for something you did years ago. But this? This is past the point of forgiveness. I don't want your help. And I don't want to ever see you again. You are _exactly_ the piece of shit that everyone thinks you are."

Behind him, a little bell rang, indicating that someone was walking into the bookshop. Todd didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. They were cheering about something as they entered, but quickly quieted down when they saw how upset Amanda looked.

“Why the long face, boss?” Martin asked.

They stood next to Amanda, surrounding Todd. They stared at him like he was a meal.

“I was just telling Todd he needs to leave and that he’s not welcome here anymore.”

Todd stepped backwards as the Rowdies inched toward him. “I’m going! Okay? I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“I don’t think I could have been any more clear that that’s what I want.”

Todd was completely deflated. He didn’t have any more fight left in him. Outsite, the sky was grey. He wondered if the universe had done that on purpose, given him the weather to match the mood. It seemed awfully fitting. It was bright and sunny before he arrived at the bookshop.

He walked in the opposite direction of his apartment. He didn’t feel like going home. He didn’t really feel like going anywhere. He just walked. It wasn’t long before it started to rain. Todd ignored it for a few minutes, but it quickly picked up and soon went from sprinkling to pouring. He ducked inside the nearest available building.

It was a small coffee shop. Tables lined the wall across from the front counter. Pictures of celebrities who had visited were proudly hung over the tables. It felt familiar, just like every other coffee shop Todd had ever been in.

He tried to order himself a muffin and a coffee, but was embarrassed when he realized he didn’t have his wallet on him. Just as he was about to leave, Dirk appeared from behind him.

“Looking for this?” Whether it was coincidence or luck of the universe, he was holding Todd’s wallet.

Todd took his wallet back. “Seriously, how do you just keep showing up everywhere I go?”

Dirk shrugged. “Why are you always at the places I show up at? You left your wallet at my place when you left this morning. I was going to drop it off to Amanda, thinking I might as well get her some coffee while I’m at it. Lucky I ran into you here.” Todd wasn’t paying attention, Dirk slid a $5 bill to the barista.

Todd sighed. “Yeah, lucky. I don’t think she would have returned it. She’s not really speaking to me at the moment.”

“Oh no. Why’s that?”

Todd took a sip of the coffee that was now in his hand before realizing he was still holding his wallet in the other hand. “Did you pay for this?”

“I did.”

Todd put his wallet in his pocket and grabbed his muffin. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

Dirk shrugged. “Well, now I have no reason to buy your sister coffee. So why not?”

They sat down at a little round table in the back corner of the cafe. “You’re kind of a nice person, aren’t you?”

A smirk crossed Dirk’s face. “Nicest person you’ve ever met, according to drunk you.”

“Okay, sober me and drunk me have very different opinions.”

Dirk crossed his arms and leaned back in the cold metal chair. “What makes you think I’m not nice?”

Todd shrugged. _Well, for starters, it might have something to do with my new boss who told me that you’re some sort of international crime lord._ “Don’t know you that well.”

“So let’s get to know each other. You seem like a good person. You know, when you’re not pointing a gun at my head.”

Todd chuckled. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t _actually_ want to kill you. I was hired to, but that doesn’t mean it was my idea.”

“Oh yes, it makes me feel much better knowing that Mr. Priest has resorted to hiring people to get rid of me. In fact, I think it calls for celebration.” He said sarcastically.

“Any idea why he wants you dead?”

“Oh, he’s wanted me dead for years. I ruined a big project of his and he’s been trying to get rid of me ever since.”

“What project?”

“He kidnapped people and was trying to brainwash them into becoming military weapons,” Dirk answered a bit too casually.

That must have had something to do with Blackwing. Priest said that everyone was there voluntarily, because they all knew they were too dangerous to live in the outside world. That was why Dirk didn’t stay there any more. He chose to leave but it wasn’t safe for him to be out there without supervision. That’s what he hired Todd for.

“And you’re not worried that he could find someone else to kill you?”

“Well, there’s a reason why you couldn’t do it, isn’t there?”

Todd nodded. “Yeah. It just felt like something was stopping me. It didn’t feel right.”

“I don’t have faith in a lot of things, but I do believe that when I die it won’t be because of Priest.”

“How can you be so sure?” Todd asked.

“How can you be so sure that not killing me was the right thing to do?”

“Touche.”

Dirk broke off a piece of Todd’s muffin and ate it. “So why is Amanda mad at you? Did something happen?”

Todd sighed. “We just got into a fight about my job.”

“Does she not like that her brother is a hitman?”

Todd realized too late that he shouldn’t mention his job. Dirk can’t find out that he’s still working with Priest. He obviously couldn’t tell Dirk why Amanda was actually mad at him.

“She thinks I’m putting the job ahead of my dating life and that I’m going to die sad and alone.”

“Really?”

“Well those aren’t the exact words she used. She said that I’m letting my job affect my relationships and that’s why she’s the only person I’m close to. I push everyone else away.”

Dirk nodded slowly.

“Sorry, that got deep. I’m overly tired and filled with caffeine.” Todd laughed awkwardly, wishing he could restart this conversation.

“It’s alright. I understand. I tend to push people away, too. Because of the whole Priest thing, it’s kind of hard to trust people.”

_Oof._

“So both of us are a mess. I see we have a lot in common.

“Looks like we do.” Dirk chuckled. “Can I ask you a question?”

Todd nodded.

“They’re playing _The Princess Bride_ in the park later tonight. Would you like to go? We could eat greasy concession-stand pizza and try not push each other away.”

“What happened to us agreeing to just be friends?”

Dirk cheeks turned bright pink. “What? Two friends can’t go to the park and watch _The Princess Bride_ together?”

Todd smiled, noting how adorable Dirk looked when he got nervous. “That sounds great.” His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was another message from Priest. “Actually, I have to go meet someone soon and I’m still in my clothes from yesterday, so I should head back home. I’ll meet you at the park though.”

“Okay! Awesome!” Dirk beamed.

Todd opened the _add new contact_ page on his phone and handed it to Dirk. “Here, put your number in and I’ll text you when I get there.”

Dirk gladly entered his number. Just as he was about to give Todd his phone back, it vibrated in his hand.

Todd's heart dropped, he prayed the text wasn’t from who he thought it was.

“Todd. Why did you just get a text from Priest?” Dirk asked in the calmest voice he could find.

Todd grabbed his phone from Dirk. He hadn’t opened the notification, which meant he didn’t see the rest of their messages. That was good. “Oh, it’s not that Priest. It’s _a_ priest. From church.”

“You go to church?”

“Hey I might be bisexual, trans, and a hit man, but Jesus loves everybody.”

“Then why are you meeting him on a Tuesday afternoon?”

“I’m on the planning committee for the Fourth of July barbeque.” Todd took a drink of his coffee, proud of himself for thinking on his feet.

Dirk stood up. “You know what, maybe I was wrong. I can’t risk it, I’m sorry.”

He started to walk away but Todd caught up to him. When Todd grabbed his hand, Dirk turned around to face him.

“Hey wait, we said we weren’t going to push each other away, remember?”

Dirk sighed. “How am I supposed to know you’re not lying?”

“I’m not lying. You want to come to the barbeque?”

“I’m scared.” Dirk admitted.

“I know.” Todd shifted his hand so his fingers interlocked with Dirk’s. He knew he needed to keep Dirk close. He considered his options; lie to protect himself, Dirk, and Amanda or come clean and risk the lives of everyone involved. He was already in this deep. He was already an asshole. And he had to protect the people he cared about. Was it even that much of a lie anyway?

“Dirk, I like you, okay? I know this morning I said that I didn’t, but I was just nervous and embarrassed about last night. The truth is, I think you’re funny, and adorable, and you really might be the nicest person I’ve met. But like I said, I tend to push people away because of my job and I don’t want to do that to you. So I might make mistakes or say stupid things, but I won’t lie to you.”

Dirk blushed, and that was a good sign. “The movie starts at 7. Don’t be late.”

Todd smiled. “I won’t be. But I gotta go.” He let go of Dirk’s hand and began walking toward the door. “I’ll see you tonight!”


	6. VI.

“No. I refuse to believe that’s actually your middle name.”

Todd pulled out his wallet to show Dirk his ID. “It really is.”

“Oh my god!” Dirk laughed as he read Todd’s full name. “Why would you do this to yourself?”

“Well,” Todd started as he put his wallet back in his pocket. “I came out when Amanda was a toddler, 6 or 7 years old. I couldn’t think of a middle name so I asked her and that was her suggestion. I also have poor impulse control, so when I finally got to change my name legally I didn’t really think about the long term effects of making my middle name be Moon-moon.”

Todd was walking Dirk back to his apartment after the movie in the park. Dirk was holding Todd’s hand, and Todd didn’t want to let go. He was having fun with Dirk. It was easy to talk to him. They could laugh together freely. Todd knew that he shouldn’t be lying to Dirk, but he also knew that it was the only thing he could do to protect him. And he  _ did  _ like Dirk, so it really was only a half lie.

“So why not change it again?”

Todd shrugged. “It’s growing on me. Plus it’s a good ice breaker.”

“And how often does that work for you?”

“Often enough. You laughed at it, didn’t you?”

Dirk smiled nervously, his cheeks turning pink. “Well I can’t argue with that.”

Earlier that afternoon, Todd had met with Priest. He mentioned that they were hanging out, in a way that could possibly be a date. He did not, however, mention that there was a possibility that he was actually falling for Dirk. At that point in the day, any feelings he had for Dirk were small enough to ignore. But after what Todd would hopefully call a date, he decided that he  _ did  _ like Dirk. Priest was onboard with Todd’s impromptu idea of dating Dirk. He said that it would be good for Todd to get closer to him, that way he can easily keep him out of trouble.

“He leaves a trail of dead people wherever he goes. Calls himself a detective, tryin’ to solve crimes but he’s the one responsible. Get as close to him as you can. That way you can stop him from takin’ on any of these so-called  _ cases  _ and getting people hurt.”

So Todd had a plan. He would date Dirk and pretend like he had no connection with Priest and that he definitely wasn’t being paid to get close to him. He wasn’t too worried about Dirk finding out. After what Dirk had seen on his phone that morning Todd changed Priest’s contact name to a generic name. Dirk wouldn’t be suspicious of someone named Greg texting him. If Dirk saw it, Todd would just say that’s his cousin and move on. Todd didn’t want to think too much about the Priest side of things. At this point Priest wasn’t even the reason he was going on this date with Dirk. He was fun to be around, and Todd came to the conclusion that he would have wanted to date Dirk even if they had met under normal circumstances. That made him feel a bit less like an asshole.

“Okay, so I shared my embarrassing middle name. It’s your turn.”

Dirk looked down at the ground and chuckled. “Honestly, I think I’d prefer Moon-moon.”

“Oh come on. It can’t be  _ that  _ bad.” Todd squeezed Dirk’s hand.

Dirk took a deep breath. “Okay, so I was 18, fresh out of Blackwing, in a new country, and I needed to change my name. I hadn’t seen my mother in over ten years, I could hardly remember her. But I did remember her favorite flower. So I chose the name of the flower to be my middle name.”

“Dirk. That’s really sweet.”

“The flower is called  _ broom,  _ Todd. My middle name is Broom.”

Todd's jaw dropped as he laughed. “No!”

Dirk stuck his hand up in defence. “Well, it’s actually a very beautiful flower. Just poorly named.”

“So we both have hideous middle names with adorable backstories?”

Dirk chuckled. “Apparently.”

Todd slowed their pace down to a halt. “Wait, I didn’t realize you had changed your name. Why’d you do that?”

Dirk tsked. “I think it’s kind of a lot for the first date.”

“Oh, so this is officially a date?”

Dirk’s cheeks turned bright red. “I think I’d like it to be.”

Todd felt his own cheeks burn. He could only assume they were the same shade as Dirk’s. “Good. I was kind of hoping.”

“Kind of?” Dirk raised an eyebrow.

Todd playfully pushed his elbow into Dirk’s side as they continued walking again. In less than two minutes they were approaching Dirk’s apartment. Todd hadn’t even noticed how close they had been.

“Well, this is me.” Dirk pointed at the tall building they were standing under.

Todd signed. “So it is.”

Dirk rocked back and forth on his heels. “So… I had a good time tonight.”

“So did I.”

“Great.” Dirk nodded awkwardly.

Todd looked up at him. “What’s up?”

Dirk shrugged. “Well, it’s just that, since we’ve decided this is a date, there’s something that usually happens toward the end of most first dates...”

“Dirk, are you asking me to kiss you?”

“Maybe?”

Todd shook his head with a smile. “You’re adorable.” He almost had to stand on his toes to reach Dirk, who was only a few inches taller. But Dirk tilted his head down to meet Todd halfway. 

This kiss was soft. Short and sweet, unlike the sloppy and rushed kiss they had shared the night before. This moment was much more innocent, and that made Todd’s heart run wild.

Todd pulled away from Dirk chuckling.

“What’s wrong?” Dirk frowned.

“Nothing. I just realized how crazy this is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, two weeks ago I was hired to kill you. Last night I basically proposed to you. This morning we decided just to be friends. And now here I am, kissing you goodnight on our first date. I’m pretty sure we’re doing all these relationship things out of order.”

Dirk shrugged. “Who needs order?”

Todd nodded in agreement. “Certainly not us.”

“But, if this is our first date, does that mean there’s going to be a second?”

“I think I’d like there to be,” Todd admitted.

Dirk beamed. “Great!”

“Great. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Dirk nodded excitedly.

“Okay. I’ll see you later then.” Todd let go of Dirk and started to walk in the direction of his apartment. He paused before he got too far and turned around. “Hey, Dirk.”

Dirk had just opened the door to go inside. He turned over his shoulder to look at Todd.

“Thanks for giving me a chance. Most people wouldn’t have done that.”

Dirk smiled softly. “I think you’ll find that I’m not like most people.”

“I certainly hope not. Goodnight, Dirk.”

“Goodnight, Todd.”

It was on their fourth date when Todd tried to slip the word  _ boyfriend  _ into their conversation. Things with Dirk were going well. They were hanging out a lot and Todd realized that he was definitely into him more than Priest would like him to be. But it was so easy to forget about Priest when they were together. Dirk was enchanting. Four dates seemed like a good indication that this was going to become a real relationship, so Todd said That Word to see how Dirk would react.

He didn't. Dirk continued his story of the time machine that was also a soul swapper. Dirk had a lot of stories, and as much as Todd loved hearing them, he was too focused on trying to get some answers out of Dirk about where this was going.

"So, after the kitten shark exploded and killed everyone, I ran out of there with young Patrick Spring. He then punched me in the face and told me to save his daughter. Which I did-" Dirk was interrupted when the tea pot on his stove started whistling. He got off the couch to make his tea, Todd followed.

"You know I used to work there. At the Perryman Grand Hotel." Todd sat down at the small table in Dirk's kitchen.

"That's right, you must have been there when young Patrick Spring accidentally killed his future self, weren't you?"

"No, I got fired a few months before that happened."

Todd wasn't about to question any of the time traveling or the soul swapping. He's seen some pretty weird things happen around Dirk in the few weeks they've known each other. At this point, he's learned to just go with it.

Dirk sat down in the chair next to Todd, setting down two mugs of tea in front of them. "You seem to get fired a lot."

Todd shrugged. "Yeah, I had to disappear a lot to do my  _ other  _ job. Most employers weren't a fan. But it's fine, I mostly only worked those jobs to get me out of the house when my real job wasn't keeping me too busy. But then Amanda opened her bookstore so I worked there when I needed something to do. Until now."

"You know, if she's mad at you because you keep putting your job ahead of your social life, maybe you should tell her about us?"

"Do I have much to tell her?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I keep trying to figure out what we’re doing here, but I can’t tell what you’re thinking. So I don't know, what would I tell her?"

Dirk smiled and grabbed Todd's hand. "Well, we have gone on four official dates so far, and I hope there to be more. I think I would call that dating."

"So, does that mean I can call you my boyfriend?"

"Only if I can call you mine."

Todd chuckled, "Yeah, I think that's doable." He leaned in and kissed Dirk. His  _ boyfriend.  _ The thought of that made his stomach erupt with butterflies. He felt like a little kid again, in the best way. He was happy.

Dirk pulled away, still smiling. "It's weird, isn't it? How we never ran into each other at Amanda's shop?"

"I would mostly hang out in the back working on paperwork. But if Amanda had told me that her coffee delivery guy was so cute, I wouldn't have hidden away."

Dirk frowned. "Is she really still not talking to you? It just seems like a small thing for her to be so angry about."

Todd sighed. "There's so much more to it that you don't know, Dirk. I really don't want to get into it. It's too complicated. She just needs time.”

Later that night, as they laid in bed, both of them struggled to sleep. Todd stared out the window. There was a full moon tonight, it lit Dirk's bedroom clearly. He must have been watching the moon for a while. Before he knew it, it had moved past the view of Dirk's window, and the bedroom was darker than it was before. Stars and street lights still kept the room bright enough to be able to see slightly.

This was the first time Todd had spent the night at Dirk's place since the night he drank a little too much and accidentally proposed. Todd liked the idea of spending the night with Dirk  _ sober,  _ at least this time he won't make a fool of himself.

Though he wasn't facing Dirk, Todd knew he was still awake, too. He may have been shit-faced the only time they slept in the same bed, but Todd remembered one thing. Dirk was a snorer. Tonight, Dirk had been completely silent for the past hour and a half. So Todd already knew the answer, but he asked anyway. "Are you awake?"

Thirty seconds of silence and then, "Yeah."

"Why?"

Dirk tightened his grip around Todd's waist and pulled him closer. "I could ask the same about you."

Todd took a deep breath. "I can tell you're anxious about something."

"I'm fine."

"No you're not.” Todd rolled over to face Dirk. “You can talk to me, you know? That's what I'm here for."

Dirk closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm going to lose you."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because it always happens." Dirk opened his eyes and sat up. "It happened to my parents, it happened to Mona, and it's going to happen to you too."

Todd pulled himself up so he was sitting in front of Dirk. "What happened to them?"

"Blackwing."

A chill ran down Todd's back. He had a feeling he was about to hear about a side of Blackwing Priest was trying to keep hidden.

"I was 7 when they took me away from my parents. At the time I didn't really understand what was happening. All I knew was that I was in a strange new country with strangers and no explanation. I was so scared, but they promised me that if I did what I was told I would be able to see my parents again. I  _ tried.  _ I tried to do everything they wanted me to do, but it was never good enough." Dirk paused to take a deep breath and blink some tears away.

Todd didn't have any words. Instead, he just reached out and held Dirk's hand.

"When I was 12 I found out that they had killed my parents the night they had taken me away. That's when I knew I could never trust them. They make promises they don't intend to keep. But then I met Mona. She was another subject, she'd been there about as long as I'd been. I was so depressed after I found out about my parents that Riggins thought I could use a friend. She was the kindest person I've ever met. She was my best friend, my sister. But when I finally got out, when I was 17, she wasn't so lucky. I haven't seen her since."

Todd felt something wet drip onto his arm, only to realize he was crying. He quickly dried his face. "I'm so sorry they did that to you."

Dirk nodded slowly. "I dated one guy when I still lived in England. He disappeared shortly after we started dating. I never found out what happened to him."

A heavy weight pulled down on Todd's chest as he realized that this was the reality of the situation. Blackwing was evil and Todd was complicit. He was working for a guy directly responsible for ruining Dirk’s life.

“I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I’m going to lose you either way. You might as well leave before it’s too late.”

Todd grabbed the sides of Dirk’s face and pulled him close. “Hey. Look at me.”

Dirk’s sad grey eyes came up and locked with Todd’s.

“I am not going anywhere. I promise.”

“Priest already knows who you are and how to find you. If they find out that you’re in a relationship with me, that’ll be it. They’ll kill you, Todd.”

“Let them try. I’m in this, Dirk. I want to be with you. I’m not afraid of Priest.”

Dirk simultaneously looked as if he had been waiting his whole life to hear those words and like they were the most terrifying words he’s ever heard. Nevertheless, he was just relieved to finally get that off his chest. He leaned over and rested his head on Todd's shoulder.

“That’s why I had to change my name. There’s too much trauma behind what my parents named me. When I got out, I couldn’t be that person anymore. I couldn’t be who they wanted me to be.”

Todd felt dizzy with guilt. He couldn’t stomach the idea of these people hurting Dirk. He had to do something.

Dirk made breakfast for Todd again the next morning. It wasn’t a fancy Romanian breakfast this time. He made pancakes and eggs. Apparently breakfast foods are the only things Dirk is good at making. Anything else ends in disaster. Todd said that was fine, and offered to make dinner for him that night. 

“Does that mean I can finally see your apartment?” Dirk teased. Up until now Todd had made it a point to not invite Dirk over. He never really gave Dirk a reason, because the reason wasn’t something he was ready to admit to Dirk. Priest had made it a habit to randomly show up at Todd’s place. And Todd wasn’t going to risk Dirk finding out like that. But now, tonight, things would be different.

After what Dirk had told Todd last night, he realized that he couldn’t keep working for Priest. That already had a meeting planned for today, Todd is going to tell him that he’s done. Then Dirk will be safe to come over whenever he wants.

“I’ll text you my address. Come over at 7?”

Dirk smiled wide. “Perfect!”

“Well then, I guess that means I have to go shopping so I can make you real food, huh?”

“I suppose. Want me to come along? You are cooking for me after all.”

Todd shook his head. “No, it’ll be a surprise.”

Dirk pulled off his best puppy dog face. “Please?”

Todd smiled. “That’s not going to work on me.” He quickly kissed Dirk’s pouting lips. “I’ll see you at 7.”

Todd dashed out of Dirk apartment and headed down the street toward Amanda’s shop - the real reason he said no to Dirk. He didn’t actually need to go shopping. He needed to talk to Amanda.

She was flipping the sign over to ‘OPEN’ as Todd approached the door. As she saw him, she rolled her eyes and flipped the sign back over to ‘CLOSED.’

Todd walked in anyway. “You know a CLOSED sign isn’t going to keep me out, right?”

“Then what will? I’d love to know for next time.” She turned away from Todd and started walking between the stacks. It was clear she had no real destination in mind beside ‘away from Todd.’

Todd stayed standing in front of the door. “You can’t really keep me out. My name is on the lease.”

“Actually I’m working on getting you taken off of that since I can afford it now and you’re dead to me.”

Todd took a deep breath and listened to Amanda’s footsteps. Once she stopped moving he said, “I’m sorry. You were right.”

Slowly she walked back to the center aisle Todd was standing in. “What?”

“About Blackwing. You were right to be angry at me. I’m sorry I even took the job but mostly I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.”

Amanda shifted her weight to one leg and crossed her arms. “Okay. And?”

“I need you to tell me everything you know about Blackwing and how.”

Amanda nodded slowly and took a deep breath. “Priest is Martin’s older brother. I guess growing up Priest was always interested in Martin’s power, and other people like him. So when Martin was still a teenager, Priest started working for Blackwing and turned his own brother in. His job was to find more people like Martin and bring them in.”

“Wait. Martin has powers? Like what?”

“He feeds off the energy of other people, just like the other Rowdies. Duh.”

“How come you never told me?”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “And how would you have reacted if I had told you that the guys I hired were literal energy vampires?”

“Fair point.”

“Look, I didn’t know that Priest was Martin’s brother until you told me that he had hired to kill Dirk. I knew I recognized the name from somewhere and since the guys knew Dirk I asked them and that’s when they told me all about Blackwing. I had heard about it before but I didn’t know the full story until then.”

They were in the back room now, sitting at the old wooden table and chairs that had been back there since Amanda had opened the store. 

“So what is the full story?”

Amanda’s chair creaked as she leaned back. “They were locked up in cages like animals. Sometimes left without food for days. Experimented on like they were monsters from another world. For  _ years.” _

“Monsters,” Todd signed. “That’s what Priest told me. The people in Blackwing were monsters who were there voluntarily so they could learn to be human.”

“I hope you can hear the bullshit in that now.”

“I should have listened to you sooner.”

Amanda nodded. “Yeah, you should have.”

“Priest told me that my job was to keep an eye on Dirk, to keep him out of trouble. But I think there’s more to it than that. He wants me for a reason. I don’t know what it is but I’m going to tell him I'm done. I can’t keep playing his game. I can’t do that to you or Dirk.”

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“I’m kind of crazy about him, sis. All I want to do is keep him safe.”

Amanda stood up and gestured for Todd to do the same. When he was up, she wrapped her arms around him. “Whoever said that assassins can’t be good people was lying.”

Only a few hours later, Todd sat in the back corner of the bar where he usually meets Mr. Priest. It was still early in the afternoon - only 4:00 - there were only a small number of people there. Todd wondered if this was on purpose. Fewer people meant less ears, less of a change of someone overhearing their conversations. Except, it was much easier to focus on someone else when there's less people, less noise. A smaller crowd was a quieter crowd. If Priest really wanted to avoid anyone listening in, he would have chosen a busier meeting place. They could have met later in the evening, when everyone would be too focused on who they're hooking up with rather than what two strange men in the corner are talking about. Priest doesn't do anything accidentally, Todd knew that. He had to have thought this through. Did he want someone to overhear and ask questions?

Todd's thoughts were interrupted when Mr. Priest sat down across from Todd at the table. "Why the long face?"

Todd stared at Priest, feeling his veins run cold with fear. What was he thinking? He can't just quit. No way Priest wasn't going to let him go that easily. Not this late in the game. He was in this.

But then Todd thought of Dirk and remembered what he had said the night before. He promised Dirk that he was in this, the relationship, and that meant he couldn't be  _ in  _ anything with Priest.

"I'm done."

Priest stared back at him, blinking slowly before breaking into a cold laugh. "Done? Done with what?"

"Whatever you're using me for. I can't do it. I want out."

Priest shook his head. "What do you think I'm usin' you for?"

"I don't know, but it has to be something more than just keeping an eye on Dirk. He's not evil."

"And I suppose you think I am?"

Todd gulped, completely unable to say his answer out loud.

Priest leaned forward, resting on his crossed arms on the table. "You'd be right. I'm not a good person, Theodore. And neither are you." He laughed. "I mean, you murder people for a living. Are there any morals in that?"

"I only kill people who deserve it. And Dirk didn't. He still doesn't, despite what you think."

"How do you define 'deserving it'? Who decides who lives and who dies? You? That seems like a lot of power for one man to hold. What if you got it wrong?"

"I'm never wrong."

Priest smiled. "I like you, Brotzman. And I'd hate to see you lose something important to you. So why don't we just forget about what you said about wanting out of this?"

"I'm not afraid of you."

"No. But I think your sister would be."

Todd shivered. "Leave Amanda out of this."

"Amanda has been a part of this much longer than you realize. If you leave now, then I might just have to get rid of her too."

Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He counted to ten, opened his eyes. "What do you want?"

"I think you and your boyfriend are in need of a vacation. A little romantic get away. I'll book the flight for next week and send you the info." Priest stood up as he pulled out a few bills from his pocket. He sat them on the table in front of Todd. "Here. As a little, uh,  _ thank you,  _ for sticking around. I'll see you next week, Brotzman. One of you at least."

Priest disappeared almost as quickly as he had shown up just minutes before. He was good at that, vanishing as if he were never there, but leaving you with an impending feeling of doom.

Todd pocketed the money Priest had given him without question. He stayed sitting at the table in the back for twenty minutes trying to catch his breath and figure out what to do. He knew he had to warn Dirk and Amanda. It isn't fair to them to keep them in the dark when their lives are at risk. They deserved to know.

The idea of telling Dirk made Todd nauseous. He had no idea how Dirk would react. And there's no way he could lie about how he knows what he knows. It was time to tell Dirk the truth.

He still had a few hours before Dirk was going to come over, so Todd walked around the block a few times to think about what he was going to say to Dirk. He thought he had more time to prepare himself, but he ran into Dirk a little sooner than expected.

Literally.

Dirk was walking out of his favorite coffee shop right as Todd walked past the door.

Todd was almost ready to yell at the person who hit him with the door until he saw who it was.

Dirk laughed. "Sorry about that. I didn't see you."

Todd shrugged it off. "It's fine."

"Are you okay? You seem upset."

Todd took a deep breath. "Actually, I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong."

Todd swallowed the lump in his throat. "I think Priest is using me to get you back into Blackwing."

Dirk took a step back. "What?"

"After he hired me to kill you, I told him that I couldn't do it. But he offered me another job and threatened to hurt Amanda if I didn't take it. So, I did."

Dirk looked like all the air had been stolen from his lungs. "What's the other job?"

"To look after you, keep you out of trouble. But I think it was more than that to him. I think he wanted us to get close so that you'd want to go away with me. He's planned a 'vacation' for us, which I think is just to get you to Blackwing, and if we don't go he's going to kill Amanda."

Dirk shook his head. "So this whole time, you've been working for him? When I saw that message on your phone, that was from him wasn't it? There's no church barbecue."

Todd nodded.

Todd has seen some pretty terrible things in his days. But nothing will ever be as bad as the look on Dirk's face in that moment. He could see Dirk's heart breaking.

"Dirk, please. If we just left town they wouldn't be able to find us," Todd begged.

"How am I supposed to trust you? All you've ever done is lie to me and now you want me to go away with you? Do you hear how messed up that is?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to lie, I was just trying to protect you and Amanda."

"Protect us?" Dirk cried. "By walking us into the trap? I have spent nearly 20 years running from Blackwing. I was just starting to feel safe again and you ruined that. And after everything I told you last night? I trusted you. You don't care about me at all."

"That's not true. He just wanted me to become your friend, but I really did fall for you, Dirk. Please, let's just go to my place and we'll figure something out."

Dirk stepped back. "I'm not going anywhere with you!"

Todd stepped forward and reached his hand out to Dirk. "Please-"

Dirk pushed Todd's hand away. "Just stay away from me." He turned around and ran off.

Todd stood on the sidewalk, feeling every last bit of hope drain out of his body. He wondered how the hell his life had come to this.


	7. VII.

Todd was keeping track of how long it's been. It was his way of trying to decide if enough time had passed to reach out. Three and a half days didn't seem like enough time. Dirk was so angry at him when Todd told him the truth. He needed more than three and a half days to calm down.

Todd knew it was worse for Dirk. Blackwing had put him through so much, and now he was at risk of them again. But Todd couldn't stop himself from sulking. He couldn't even talk to Amanda about it. The second he told her that Priest had threatened her, she closed up her shop and ran off with the Rowdy 3. Apparently, this was something they had expected, and they had a plan.

They were very secretive, which Todd was actually kind of grateful about. He has no idea where they are, so he has no information Blackwing would be able to get from him. Amanda left behind her cell phone to avoid being tracked, so Todd didn't even have a way to contact her to know if she was alright.

Todd hoped that Dirk had gotten away too. He hasn't heard from him or seen him in three and a half days, and he was starting to freak out a little. His mind was in an endless cycle of worrying about Amanda, to worrying about Dirk, to worrying about both of them.

Helpless. A feeling he was starting to get used to. It sat on his chest constantly, eating away at him like a vulture. He tried to get himself into a routine, to ignore the pain, but the only distraction he had found was two days ago when he had to kill some evil lady named Suzanne.

She had found some kind of magic wand and was using it to manipulate and kill people who didn't like her. She even tried to kill her own son. She was not a good person.

Todd did the job, the universe thanked him, and the feeling of helplessness sank right back into place.

This new routine included walking around town. Part of him hoped that if he went out enough, one day he might run into Dirk. He just wanted to know if Dirk was safe. He wanted to  _ help  _ Dirk stay safe.

The chance of seeing Dirk was the only thing keeping him in town, or else he would have ran off with Amanda when he had the chance. But if Dirk was here, he wasn't safe.

It was one thing to  _ think  _ about running into Dirk one day, to imagine some grand romantic reunion (not that Todd deserved one) but it was another thing to actually see Dirk.

There was a small spark of hope in Todd's chest when he saw Dirk sitting on the steps of his apartment building. But the spark flickered out as he got closer and could see Dirk more clearly. He was hurt. He had a black eye and a split lip, and he was holding his side as if it were bruised.

Todd ran to him, almost tripping to kneel on the step next to Dirk. "Oh my god, Dirk, are you alright?"

Dirk lifted his head and looked at Todd with panicking eyes. "Wha- what are you doing here?"

"This is my building. What are you doing here? Who did this to you? What happened?"

Dirk scoffed. "Of course it's your building." He looked up at the sky. "How convenient."

Todd remembered that he never got around to texting Dirk his address a few days ago. There was no way Dirk knew Todd lived here. "Are you going to answer my question?"

"Don't you already know? It was your friends."

"They are  _ not  _ my friends."

Dirk shook his head.

Todd carefully grabbed the sides of Dirk's face and turned his head so he could get a closer look at his eye. "Will you come inside? I can get you some ice for this."

Dirk didn’t say anything, he just continued to stare at Todd.

"The universe sent you here for a reason, didn't she?"

Slowly, Dirk nodded.

Todd wrapped an arm around Dirk's waist as they stood and led him into the building. Dirk limped up the two flights of stairs, and collapsed onto Todd's couch once inside his apartment.

"Your apartment is messier than I expected it to be."

"Well, I haven't really been in a cleaning mood the past few days," Todd explained from the kitchen. He dug around in his freezer, looking for anything Dirk could use as an ice pack for his eye and his side. He found two bags of frozen vegetables that he knew he was never going to eat.

It was a small studio apartment, so any small mess seemed to flood the place. In the corner of the room, across from the couch, was his bed. It was surrounded by dirty clothes. On the coffee table in front of Dirk, there were empty take out boxes and a handful of dirty dishes.

Todd sat down next to Dirk, handing him one of the frozen veggies bags. He took the other and held it to Dirk’s bruising eye.

Dirk winced at the contact, but quickly relaxed as the cold eased the pain. “I can hold that myself, you know.”

“Well I’m already doing it.”

“I’m sorry I came here. I should have gone somewhere else.”

“No, I’m glad you came here. I was worried about you.”

Dirk scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious.”

Dirk closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Dirk…”

“It’s too bright in here. Can you turn the lights off?”

Todd looked out the window, it was still the middle of the day. “The lights are off. That’s just the sunlight.”

“Do the curtains close?”

“Yeah, hold this.”

Dirk reached up to hold the ice pack to his face while Todd went to close the curtains in his windows. 

“Is that better?”

Dirk’s eyes fluttered open. It was much darker in the apartment than before. Still just enough light to see everything properly, but dark enough to put less strain on Dirk’s eyes. He nodded.

Todd sat back down beside him. “What happened?”

“I don’t really remember. I was walking into my apartment and then all of a sudden they were hitting me. I remember getting thrown to the ground. And I remember thinking that I recognized them from Blackwing. But they were gone before I could even react.”

“How did you get all the way here after that?”

“I was just angry and scared and I knew I had to get away from my apartment, they’ll be back. I started walking and after a few blocks I think the shock started to fade and that’s when my side really started to hurt. So I sat down on some steps to take a break and catch my breath and you found me.”

Todd took a deep breath, adding the pieces together. “Dirk, I think you have a concussion. You should go to the hospital.”

Fear washed over Dirk’s face. “No! I can’t go there. They’ll hurt me, I can’t do it.”

Todd felt sick with guilt. This was all his fault, wasn’t it? And he’s not about to add to all of the shitty things he’s done to Dirk. “Okay. But I’m not going to fight you. If you get worse I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Dirk shook his head. “I’m fine, Todd. Really. I barely hit my head.”

“But you  _ did _ hit your head. And I’m not going to do nothing if you get worse.”

Dirk sighed. “Fine. I just won’t tell you how I’m feeling.”   
  
_ “Dirk.” _

“What?”

“Let me help you,” Todd begged.

“Why do you care? The only person here worse than me is you, and I don’t even care. Why would you want to help me?”

Todd wasn’t sure if he had an answer. Really, he hardly knew Dirk. They were only dating for a week and a half. And they barely knew each other before then. So why did Todd care? 

“Because I’m stubborn.” He answered. “And I want to prove you wrong.”

Dirk scoffed. “You already did that once.”

“And now you think I’m evil and that no one cares about you. That’s not true. I care about you, Dirk. Believe it or not you’re kind of a fantastic person. You came here for a reason, right? I think you need my help, whether you’re going to admit it to yourself or not. But I’m trying to be better, and I want you to see that. So can I please get just a little less anger from you?”

Dirk took a deep breath and nodded.

“Thank you,” Todd sighed. “Now, with that being said. I’m not going to force you to go to the hospital. But if I think you really need to go, I do hope you’ll listen to me.”

“I’ll think about it.” Dirk pouted.

“Good. And Dirk?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

Dirk offered him a tight smile. “I know you are.”

Dirk agreed to stay with Todd for a few days. Incase Blackwing showed up at his apartment again. They weren’t much safer at Todd’s place, but at least Todd could be there for him if something happened. 

Todd made breakfast for them on the second morning Dirk was there. He had also made breakfast on the first morning, but Dirk refused to eat it. He struggled to make his own breakfast, and refused to accept Todd’s help. They made dinner together that night. On the second morning, Todd made waffles.

Dirk sat up in Todd’s bed with a smile. Todd had offered Dirk his bed so he could be more comfortable, Todd slept on the couch. 

“Morning.” Todd announced from the kitchen. “Breakfast should be done soon, if you’re interested.”

Dirk took in a deep breath. “Smells fantastic.”

Todd shrugged. “Nothing special. Just waffles. I made enough for both of us. Actually, more than enough. These recipes always make four times more than what you want.”

Dirk laughed and Todd rejoiced in the sound. He loved Dirk’s laugh, and he really liked being the reason for it. 

“How are you feeling?” Todd asked.

Dirk twisted his torso back and forth for a few seconds. “My side feels better.” He lifted his shirt to get a view of where he had been hit. “The bruise looks smaller.”

“That’s good! How’s your head?”

“I’m not awake enough to tell.”

“Come eat. That might help.”

Dirk got up and quickly made his bed. Todd scooped a waffle onto a plate for Dirk as he came into the kitchen. Dirk opened the fridge to get the strawberries and chocolate syrup to decorate his waffles. Once they were covered in just the right amount of sugar, he basically inhaled them.

Todd sat a glass of orange juice in front of Dirk. “Slow down. You don’t want to make yourself sick.”

Dirk swallowed the bite he was working on. “Sorry. I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”

“You didn’t eat much yesterday. And your body is working in overdrive to heal everything, you need to eat properly.”

Dirk took down half the glass of orange juice. “Enough about me. How’s Amanda?”

Todd shrugged. “No idea. She ran off with her boys and left all their phones behind. Although, now that I think about it I don’t think the Rowdy 3 had any cell phones to begin with.”

“Probably not.”

“She told me they were going to head to Texas but she also told me that was a lie.”

“Do you know when she’s coming back?”

Todd shook his head. “Martin said they’ll know when it’s safe to come back.”

Dirk nodded slowly.

“Can I ask? Why didn’t you try to leave?”

“They would find me wherever I go,” Dirk sighed.

“They might not, you could run. In three days Priest expects you to be on a plane with me and if you’re not he’s coming  _ here.  _ You have time to get away.”

“They always find me. Wherever I go, they’re always right behind me. I’ve been running from them for 16 years and I’m tired, Todd. I’m sick of running.”

“So you’re just giving up? You’re just going to let them ruin your life again?”

Dick deflated. “You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me. Make me understand,” Todd demanded.

“If I start running from them again, it just might kill me. I won’t ever be able to settle down with someone, or make any friends. I’ll have to change my name again and hide myself from the world. That’s not a life I want. I will never be free from them. I will never be able to live the life I want. That’s just the reality that I’ve learned to accept. And you’re going to have to too. Two? Too-too? To? Too?” Dirk trailed off, distracting himself.

“What about the Rowdies? They ran. And they plan on coming back.”

“But that’s different. There’s five of them. They can put up a fight. I’m all alone.”

“No you’re not.”

_ “Todd.”  _

“I’m serious. I’m here, Dirk. And I want to help you.”

Todd knew that he wasn’t completely over Dirk. He also knew that getting back together with Dirk wasn’t an option. He screwed up, and he couldn’t take that back. But things with Dirk were getting better, friendlier. Maybe it was just because Dirk was staying with Todd for the time being, but he was starting to relax around Todd again. Most of the time, he didn’t seem as angry as he was before. To Todd, it seemed like they were almost on the path to being friends again. But then they screwed it up again.

It had been almost a week since Dirk had gotten hurt. They were trying to pick out a movie to watch. 

“The Great Gatsby!” Dirk suggested.

“Didn’t you just watch that yesterday?”

“I did. You didn’t.”

“I was grocery shopping,” Todd defended.

“Well it’s still in your DVD player. All I have to do is hit play.”

Todd reached across Dirk and grabbed the remote he was spinning around in his hand. “I feel like you’ve seen that movie enough to quote it start to finish.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Dirk pouted.

Todd shrugged. “I’m just not in the mood for romance.”

“You’re never in the mood for romance lately.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

Dirk inhaled sharply, trying to pretend he didn’t understand what Todd meant by that.

Todd felt his chest tighten. He probably shouldn’t have said that part out loud.

They sat stiffly next to each other, trying to find some way to push past the awkward moment.

“Sorry,” Todd mumbled. “I didn’t mean-”

“It’s quite alright, Todd. Let’s just find something else.”

Todd clicked over to his Netflix account. “How about action?”

Dirk nodded insincerely.

Todd nudged Dirk’s side with his elbow. “Hey.”

Dirk turned his head to look over at him.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” He sighed. “Things are weird.”

“They shouldn’t be. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have made that comment.”

Dirk leaned over and rested his head on Todd’s shoulder. “I really like spending time with you, Todd. But I just don’t think I can ever trust you again.”

“I know. I’m trying to do everything I can to show you that you can.”

“I know.”

“I really am sorry. I know I messed up. But I’m trying.”

Dirk lifted his head, turning to look at Todd.

Todd could feel how close they were. He felt like he should pull away, but he couldn’t. There was some sort of energy pulling them together. As soon as Todd’s eyes locked with Dirk’s, Dirk closed the distance between them.

Todd didn’t hesitate to kiss him back. He wrapped his arms around Dirk’s torso and pulled him over top of him as he laid back.

Dirk’s hands found their way into Todd’s hair. It wasn’t very long, but Dirk loved running his fingers through it.

They got lost in the moment. They forgot all of the reasons why they shouldn’t be doing this. All Todd could think about was Dirk pulling his hair, Dirk on top of him, Dirk biting his lower lip,  _ Dirk.  _ He was dizzy.

Todd wasn’t sure if it was because of what he did, but the second his hands slid under Dirk’s shirt, Dirk lept off of Todd as if he were on fire. His face was beet red.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Dirk apologized.

Todd sat up, still feeling a bit light headed. “It’s okay.”

“That didn’t mean anything.”

_ Ouch.  _ “I know.”

“Good.” Dirk sat back on the couch, a safe distance from Todd. The room was silent for a solid minute. “So. An action movie? How about Black Panther?”

Todd turned it on without any more discussion. It was one of his favorite movies, anyway, but he could hardly focus on it. He kept replaying what had just happened in his head. After the movie, he was still thinking about it. He tried to stop. He tried to think about anything else but his brain was on autopilot. He was having thoughts without even thinking them.

He probably dreamt about it, too. If he had been given a chance to think about it and remember what he dreamt about, it would have been there. But when he woke up the next morning he was instantly distracted by something else.

Something was wrong.

Dirk wasn’t there.


End file.
